My Home Is Not Where I Am

What I always think of now
are the better things that will surely come my way
after all the heartaches, sacrifices, and pains.

Nonetheless, I will always miss my family and friends,
so I can’t promise not to feel heaviness in my heart
and cry once in a while
every time I dream of home.

My home will always be there
in my beloved country.
The New Wave song “State of the Nation,” by Industry,
sings of truth after all, and
only now that I am feeling what it’s really singing
about...

“There’s no place like home…
“There’s no place like home…”

Believe me, this is very true.
For sure, it could have been different
if my family were all here with me, or,
at least, some of them. Perhaps, this
is the reason my relatives here could easily speak
of convincing my sisters and me to immigrate here—because they probably don’t experience much homesickness for
they are together with their own families.

The sentiments are different when
one is in a foreign land
alone and on his own,
away from his closest relations.

But my dreams and ideals are the things that
will keep me struggling and holding on. They
will be my bonnet and suede coat when
Winter is harsh;
my raincoat and umbrella during
drizzly days between Winter and Spring.

“There’s no place like home…”
For my lao jia ‘home’ is not where I am;
it is where my thoughts and heart always dwell.

- 11:10 p.m., May 7, 2004, Friday; Surrey, British Columbia, Canada
(While listening to "Now That I Miss Her" by Elefant
[Sunlight Makes Me Paranoid; 2003, Kemado Records])