Déjà Vu

{to Elena, the first to assure that many others suffer a similar fate}

Every night at the same time
I find myself nestled in my bed—my eggshell
In the lamplighted nook of my bedroom—my nest
Thinking of everything and nothing at best
My glorious past is flashing back like a spell Sublime!
In my mind in my head Is there anything else I can do
Other than listen to these bittersweet songs anew?

I’m jaded and out of bliss
How much longer can I endure this?
Will I reach the end of this tunnel
Unscathed and once again spirituel?
Will I emerge after all still whole
A stronger person, a better Soul?

When days no longer differ from one another
I wonder if there are many others
Who suffer a similar fate
And begin to lose their faith

Sucked into oblivion into some unwished-for plight
And all I can do is languish in this forlorn mental flight

- 1:45 a.m., December 15, 2003, Monday; Surrey, British Columbia
(While listening to “The Ghost in You” by Counting Crows [Clueless OST; 1995, Capitol)